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Day 79 of Summer, 586 - Coming out

Hm, it's been a while since I've written in these pages! It feels odd to be here again and to commit to paper my thoughts. Odd and strangely comfortable as well, as if I just found an old shirt I used to like and, putting it on, remembered how I felt wearing it a long time ago.

It's been a while since I've looked at these scrolls, but more importantly, it's been a very long time since I've been away from the lands, lost to studies of other lands and other realities.

Why have I come back from my studies? I often ask myself that question. Why did I bury myself in those studies in the first place might be a better question. Now what made me eager to research other worlds? It's a hard question to answer. My first thought when I ask myself this question is that nostalgia pushed me towards the books. To forget. To reduce the pain.

I used to have very good friends in these lands and loosing them, one by one, was hard. Of those that stayed, there are many good people, but they were not as close to me as those that left. And I am a shy person, always afraid to bother people, not comfortable imposing on others, unless Ive build a relationship with them first.

It took me years, as a young exile, to build relationships with others. I was fortunate to become close to some extraordinary people who took me into their circle and made me come out of my shell and gave me the strength to believe in myself. If it had not been for those people, I would have left a long time ago. But I became close to many incredible exiles and it was the best years of my life. It felt good to be among them.

As the years passed and, one by one they left, I became isolated. The lands, instead of this place where I used to wander to discover and understand, became a place reminding me of what was lost, what passed away.

It is hard to loose something dear to you. It is harder still to loose what made everything seem worthwhile.

Now, with some time away to ponder and try to resolve some of my issues, I've decided to pull myself out of the books and come out and see what was happening in the lands. I've found it both the same and very different. It seems that many new places have been discovered and explored since I left. Something which is so very nice to someone like me who likes to explore and discover new places.

What also changed is the population. It is much reduced from when I was a younger exile, and it is made up of somewhat closed groups which focus on scheduled hunts. Not easy for me as I have a hard time making new friends. Those I know are already in groups and there is no place for another mystic.

I was lucky to be out some while back when I was asked by Taryn if I was interested in braving Dred Passage. Melben, who was their mystic, was unable to attend. I gladly agreed and I've been part of that group since. Melben doesn't mind that I come along. It's nice to revisit this place with a different group, with a different strategy.

I've been trying to get to these new places I have never visited but I have had little luck. I've tried to gather people to make a new clan for those interested in exploration, but I have had little luck. I haven't given up on this idea, but I have yet to find enough members to create the clan.

For now I'm happy with the way things are. I'm patient and I think I will be able to get to these places and build new relationships with like-minded exiles.


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