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Fordi, day 20 of Summer 544 - New Area in Passes

It has been a couple of days since I started this journal and I have not felt anything important enough had happened to write about it. I finally convinced myself that I should not concern myself too much about the importance of what I write here, since probably nobody will read it anyway. I will try to write in this journal whenever I feel like it in the future.

I have been a bit melancholic lately. I feel I am not progressing well enough as a mystic and while I am genuinely happy that so many of my colleagues were recently promoted I cannot help but feel left behind and unworthy (two were promoted to full mystic and four to journeyman mystics). The total lack of any kind of feedback is hard on someone with self-doubts. But, I will get out of this mood as I always do. It is always like this with me. Sometimes I am rather depressed and just forge ahead, and sometimes I am optimistic.

My mood started at the last chaos storm I think. Not long after the storm I came out of the lib and was happy to see many clanmates were on (5 at the same time is rather unusual). Almost immediately Aerin sunstoned me that a new area in the passes had been discovered and that she had seen some people from my clan there. I asked over the sunstone network wether any of my clanmates were in the passes hoping to be invited to join with them. All I got was a positive answer that there were WoDers in the passes, but no invitation. I guess I should be more forward and should just have asked whether I could join them, but it is hard for me. The last thing I want is to be a bother to anyone. So I try to hint that I am interested and hope for an invitation. When the invitation doesn't come, I am always disappointed. I guess I should lower my expectations of people and increase my forwardness, but it is hard for me.

So I finally decided to go by myself, although I had no clear idea of where it was, and I have never been to GMV before. I had heard "east of mid-pass" over the sunstone so I headed there a bit disgruntled and worried about falling to a stupid bloodhawk. To my complete amazement, I encountered only a couple of night wendecka that I could easily dodge before arriving to a wider area where a large group of exiles were attacking greymyrs.

There were many people I know there. Some asked me to boost them so they could hit the greymyrs, and I complied. Again I was disappointed. I always expect more from people than I get. When you help a fighter get a tag on a hard-to-hit creature that will probably be a vanquish for him, is it really too much to expect to have a share? aa shrugs.

After a time I joined a group led by Elenis. He was giving a tour of the new area! It was just after the chaos storm, and I had just arrived in the area and people had already explored every nook and cranny of the new area!

Elenis was a good guide and showed us many wonderful things including a very nice lake in a secluded area. It is very beautiful there, and it is the kind of place where I like to go to think and ponder things. Unfortunately, it will be a very long time before I can do this near this wonderful lake since wendecka seem to consider it their territory, including some very nasty silverbacks.

Well after that tour I returned to the town and to my hideaway to ponder alone.

Then it was the bawkmas season. I did not really enjoy the festivities. Most people were busy in the lib and so I was alone most of the time when I got out of the lib. I was basically out of the lib when nothing happened and in the lib when interesting things (parties and the like I read about in other people's journals) happened. So I felt left out.

Lundar meets Tenebrion and discovers a new keep on Ash Island. People are promoted to full mystic and I learn about it from someone in town center by chance (I mean why aren't we sent a notice so we can gather and have a party at such time?). There is a two-way portal to the Ethereal Plane [EP] near Tenebrion's Keep [TK] for a little while so we can appreciate the convenience of such a device. It seems that Tenebrion wants us to give him a number of Teleportation Stones (the strange stones gathered at [FMOCR]) in exchange for such a permanent 2-way portal to EP. So people made raids in EP. And where was I while those events took place? In the lib; of course... aa sighs.

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